Sunday, January 19, 2014

62 Old family issues and check-up

Appreciating and letting things be or happen became my second nature by then. And besides many things were improving including work and living/home environment, just at the right timing, big tidal waves of old family issues surfaced up and started occurring.

Family relationship has been one of the most difficult things in life for me. I thought I was getting better to deal with them and feeling OK, but there were deeper issues which I had overlooked unconsciously, that I had to feel and face with.

Thanks to my recent achievement to a certain blissful state, I could handle these unpleasant events in my most calm and rational state, and even enjoyed them as interesting experiences in a way. And they certainly helped improve relationship in the family as a result.

Just that I was not in the highest high during these events, I did not feel like going to have my annual check-up on my breast cancer. It's been a year already.... I was amazed how far I had come since then, and filled with appreciation.

I consulted with my retreater friend about my feelings for check-up. I was told not to go if I didn't feel good about it. Yes, I was AFRAID and not ready to face it yet. I didn't feel like seeing the doctor who told me "you'll be sorry." What if I have a recurrent of breast cancer? I wouldn't take chemical treatment anyway, so what's the use? And I didn't want to go through mammography which is radiation. Well, I only want to prove that I am cured, but since cancer tends to recur within 2 years, so I  decided to come back when I feel sure by then.

Instead, I went for my thyroid check-up. There I was a bit disappointed to learn that the tiny cancer was still there in the same size. Well, nobody knows if it got much smaller but came back when I felt negative. Anyway the good news was that there was no action or medicine required.

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