Tuesday, December 31, 2013

61 Accountability partner

Prior to the 5 Day Silent Retreat in Ojai, I was asked to give a try for this accountability project with another attendee friend for fun/preparation. This is good if you are somewhat lazy like me who would skip your to-dos with excuses.

We set our regimen like doing "raving=appreciate about any small 5-10 things in dramatic way" for 5 min., 5-10 min. meditation and/or "diving-in=letting stories go and being with feelings" twice a day, etc., and report to each other everyday otherwise due a penalty of paying the other.

The key was to be honest to your partner and not to take it to a stressful level.

We thought it worked pretty well, so decided to keep doing after the retreat with some modification on our menu.

I recommend this system to anything you want to improve on. It's a great exercise for self-improvement as well as communication.

Thus a few months passed by with some ups and downs but we both managed to surf along to maintain blissful state. 

Monday, December 23, 2013

60 Problems solve themselves in your absence

So I came back and fully enjoyed the group breakfast with retreatmates. They are wonderful...we stay in touch since then and exchange healings or share thoughts from time to time. And all the way to LAX I carpooled, I was so bubbly and happy, I even seemed to speak more fluently than ever, maybe due to being present.

Funny trick happened to my car after dropping off a friend in the valley. The car didn't go more than 30 mi/hr. It didn't hit me for a while because I was going down the hill to Hollywood, but soon I realized that the car got locked in low gear somehow.

I was still in blissful state and totally left all to the universe to handle, so I didn't stress but carefully drove on (my favorite) Sunset Blvd., all the way to 405 on-ramp. When it was about time to drop off my rent-a-car near LAX, I was still in Brentwood wondering if I should take the freeway. Actually, my priority was to go pee ASAP, so I pulled into the gas station nearby, also in hope for getting some mechanical help.

Unfortunately, there was nobody to help on the car. "Maybe I should take the surface street to LAX, but I would miss my flight for sure especially since I'm not an expert local driver any more...." Quick decision was required, but instead I just pulled out anyway forward to the small street.

To my surprise, there I saw my long-lost favorite little bakery! After I left L.A. in 1999, my sense of direction faded and I hadn't been able to find them. They had the best brioche & croissant, and I used to pick up the first-baked ones around 6am before getting on to 405 for film-shoot. Glad to see the place still there, looking busy.

Well, for a few moments while I completely forgot about the problem, something magical happened..
Why, the car works! It sped up as I stepped on the gas. A great example & lesson of "Things are going great in my absence". 

So I got onto smooth 405, made it to LAX 40 min prior to my departure without stress, and was frowned but allowed to speed check-in. It was a fun ride after all with some thrills and unexpected discovery!

All the way to Tokyo on the plane I was still in high spirits. I chose funny and uplifting movies, (which are not my usual picks) sang along to them, cried and  laughed at them like nobody was watching. (Fortunately the plane was somewhat vacant.)

Saturday, December 21, 2013

59 How to surf emotional bumps

Lola said, it's not the end of our sufferings but just a beginning. Now we only know better how to surf around whenever emotional bumps come along.

Actually there was one thing I could not get over with during the retreat although in blissful state overall. And it hit me when the party was over and I came back to my hotel room.

"This is not what I was expecting...." I was saddened, but instead of treating it as if it never existed or blaming myself for still stuck in the same spot after all, I tried to be with the feelings face to face without stories. Despite all my efforts and hope for the feelings to rise, it persisted until the next morning.

What am I supposed to do at the breakfast meeting with happy retreaters?
It seemed impossible for me to show up either in my lowest spirit or faking to be high-spirited.

Out of desperation, I shifted my attention to something practical. Yes, I needed to go to my bank to deposit my paycheck for my illustration job. So I searched on my iPhone, and made sure I got enough time to make a trip.

So I'm off to the city of Ojai.... Oh, how I LOVE driving...especially alone. The whole time this trip, I car-pooled to save money. So there I was driving in the crisp morning light, feeling good already, through the foresty road, out to the open rural road. Ah it was a lovely scenery of houses with stables and big yards.

All of a sudden, I got struck by bliss, as if I surrendered automatically to the presence, and these words came from within: "Everything is perfect the way it is!" "All feelings are good. Embrace them!"

Tears gushed out and my heart was filled with gratitude. I got free from the long-lasting attachment like I just woke up from a nightmare. Oh how wonderful that was....reminded me of the blissful experience in Oregon.

Soon I arrived in downtown Ojai, still quiet in the sharp morning light hitting the white wall of Spanish arcade. I parked quickly and stepped out to appreciate the present moment....the bank run didn't seem important after all. My heart felt like a clear blue-sky without a single cloud.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

58 Day 5: Initiation Day

We were told to wear something "special" this day. Lola put it, 
" It's your wedding day with your innermost Being and you'll never forget it."

So we finally broke free from silence and celebrated our memorable day. We all love ourselves for who we are, stress and trauma-free, starting to really live our lives.

A man who came in with his cane limping the first day was dancing freely. He said he couldn't believe his leg got so well in such short time because he couldn't even walk without his cane before due to a severe motorcycle accident several years ago.

Another lady confessed that she was surviving through 5 days without her prescription for her serious heart problem, and she was actually doing fine without them.

These miracles were really happening around me, and I could easily believe that my cancer cells were all gone! (Too bad it wasn't visible.) To be more precise, it was not just about cancer, but I was feeling so much better as a whole, like I had never been.

Here is how we changed through Divine Openings: http://vimeo.com/58950206

We enjoyed dancing to the music, chatting and laughing away, or sitting in silence/laying out giving/receiving healings, admiring the scenery outside, Lola's artworks, etc. We all were like old friends already although without verbal communication until that day. 

The retreat venue turned into a big party house full of happy people. The only difference from regular parties was that we were naturally/spiritually high, without beer or wine, or any other substances, even sugar! 

Some of us thought of going out to town for celebrating more later, but then we realized right away that it was an old idea, because drinking alcohol would only turn off this pure blissful-state. Instead, we arranged a breakfast gathering the next day.

We all thanked Lola as she was leaving us to rest as usual after the 5 day session. Now it's her turn to go into silence.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

57 Day 4: Another trip to the beach

Some quotes of the day by Lola:
"Drop everything. What you need comes when you need it. The more you're off the case the more they transform."
"Look within first when giving too much attention to people and/or trying to control them.

We visited the beach again in the afternoon. I decided to be active in contrast, and started walking along the beach as it pleased me, toward the pier.

Soon I arrived at the beautiful Ventura pier, and I was motivated to walk further to the end of it. I felt so fulfilled every moment, completely being present which means free of time, worries, and ego. 

During 5 Day Silent Retreat , we received the special energy by Lola and advanced retreaters everyday at the end of the day. The energy is called "Divine Openings" initiated by Lola, and there are variations which are Divine Mother Hug and Divine Healing. We started practicing them from the 2nd or 3rd day. It was mind-blowing because it is nothing like what I had learnt about healing "modalities".

The biggest difference to other healing techniques is that with Divine Openings, we do "nothing". We use our body just as a tool so grace/universal energy/God/love whatever you may call it... can take over. So we have to "get out of the way". All headings should work as long as you believe it, but this one is really powerful.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

56 Day 3: When it gets intense, soften. When it gets boring, just rest on emptiness

Lola said,
"Life is a story, and story is not bad, but if it's not helping you, then it's bad.
It's not what happened but it's how you reacted to it.
Leave thing that are not working for you."

And as I was getting better to feel the feelings, Lola also said to "soften" when it's getting unbearable. 
To soften seems the easiest thing we could do when we get hit by anger, sadness, or any extreme emotions. No "pushing away" or "denying", or rationalizing by "making it a bad thing". Just put a warm blanket around it, imagine to make the spiky edges of those emotions a little rounder or smoother, little by little until it feels somewhat OK. Then it becomes easier to handle...

After getting too intense, a big emptiness would visit, and it'd get all boring. Lola said to rest on emptiness, without judging or analyzing, or even thinking. This lesson was luxury yet difficult for me, because I used to feel guilty for doing nothing, as I grew up being told to use time wisely, not to waste any minute. 

It was pure peace. During this silent period, I was motivated to do quick sketches on anything that caught my eyes. The sun-lit leaves against warm dark shade, the vibrant colors on plants, trees, the life energy all around me.


Sunday, November 24, 2013

55 Day 2: Outing to the beach

We took a short trip to Ventura Beach on the 2nd day.

Although in mid January, and supposed to be the record-breakingly cold winter, it was very nice and sunny, and warm enough to hang out on the beach.

What a luxury! We were told to spend time in silence for a couple of hours, do whatever we feel like.

When I lived in Redondo Beach back in the late '90s, I wanted to enjoy "beach life", but it didn't turn out the way I expected. There was always this limitation where I felt not open enough to spend much time there alone, always afraid of time or too much UV, or even feeling awkward of being alone out of my self-consciousness, etc. 

I had to have reasons to hang out at the beach, i.e. to do something fun or good for me, and I felt like I had to act certain way, to look someone with certain attitude, etc. I wonder if I ever had pure fun in my life without reasons or guilt at all.

The day I visited the beach in silence, I was officially on duty to do anything I wanted to or nothing at all without any conditions.

So for the first time, I allowed myself to just "be" on the beach.

It was just me in perfect harmony with the presence, observing and hearing the restless waves, appreciating the warmth of the winter sun, enjoying the oneness.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

54 Silent Retreat Day 1

As my heart was opening up in high energy accumulated by the group and beautiful train of music to match the vibration, I got into "feeling my feelings" mode, and it broke free by crying.

First, I remembered my families and pets I lost to grieve for, since I was so controlled that I couldn't grieve properly when I lost them. I remembered how I loved them and miss them, and felt sad that I could not face the feelings completely then. I was sobbing, for the first time in so long.

Next, my focus shifted to several people who I had grudges against in the past, felt not loved by, mistreated....and I realized it's vice versa, that all are stories and I didn't love them or I didn't give them a chance to love me.

Tears came gushing out again.
It was me, me, ME who didn't allow love to flow. It's always been me. 
How I wanted to be loved by my own mother as a child!
(I always had hard times with female authority figures at work as a result.)
How I treated my daughter coldly and blaming all to how I was treated by mother and not knowing true maternal love. 
It was all me, and now I can change it finally, after so many times I thought I had "forgiven my mother", which came from a wrong concept that she was separate from me and inferior.

As Lola said "be there for yourself", I was mothering myself instead of blaming, saying "it's OK, it's OK. It was very sad, I know, and it hurt a lot. Now everything is OK."

No fixing.
No figuring out.
Just be.

Monday, November 11, 2013

53 5 Day Silent Retreat

This was such a pivotal event I ever experienced in my life.
I had never given such luxury exclusively to myself for that long; paying attention to, nurturing, forgiving, mothering myself for 5 days straight!

5 Day Silent Retreat took place at our teacher Lola's lovely and secluded house near Ojai, California, looking out to the mountains from the living room and the wide shady terrace, and about 30 participants in variety of ages, nationalities, and occupations gathered for variety of reasons. The classes took place from morning to night, and we all stayed at the nearest hotels commuting by car-pool arrangement.

We were supposed not to take sugar, alcohol, caffeine, or anything addictive for 16 days prior to the event, so we could start clean, and healthy meals were served during the retreat. To avoid caffeine and sugar at continental breakfast, I prepared a bag of avocados, a loaf of organic bread and herb teas in my room.

The first day started out with orientation and introduction, then after lunch, all participants went silent except for necessary communication. We were supposed to focus within since it was a rendezvous with our (large) selves. Therefore no outside contact such as Internet, TV, e-mailing and talking was allowed  during the period.

After a while, it became so comfortable being silent among people, only feeling their affectionate presence, respecting each other's privacy, not interacting but just being there for ourselves as well as for the group.

Lola was the only person who'd speak to us and instruct activity accordingly. We chanted together, meditated, walked around the house, lay around in the sun, feeling our feelings or just sitting on boredom. Laughing, crying and singing was OK anytime as long as we respected other participants' silence. Actually Lola intentionally made us laugh a lot.

I had to give myself a permission to set myself free from dropping how I should look, act, react like in front of people. That was such a relief!

Sometimes we exchanged healings and written messages if we wanted.

Monday, October 7, 2013

52 Ending another OLD phase of my life

The following month was December, the last month of the wondrous year, which turned out to be the beginning of a new phase of my life. 

As I was trying to wrap up the year by tying loose ends as much as possible before starting another year with higher state of consciousness, especially because of attending 5 Day Silent Retreat in January, I felt it's also happening in the nonphysical level, as if old energy wanted to move out from me so that new energy could flow in.

As a result, the conflicting divorce case started moving and reached an agreement quickly, which once seemed impossible.

I'd also like to credit this for something I stuck to in hope of agreeable divorce, which was to  say the magical words subvocally to my wasband every morning and night,
"I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you." 

It is by Hoʻoponoponorecommended by a good friend that I should use for anyone I would like to shift consciousness towards.

At first I was only saying the words without meaning them, feeling uncomfortable, but gradually I felt natural and neutral about it, and finally I hardly held any grudges against him.

Before separation, I felt like I was only half alive for being deprived of freedom, abused verbally, and psychologically suppressed. I allowed myself to become a victim and blamed everything on my wasband. At that stage, I was so detached from spiritual practice which used to be the center of my life once, and was in total denial that I created all those with my vibration.

Now I totally understand that there is no point in blaming or questioning, because it's all me. All I can do is to feel, accept, appreciate and just be. Thus everything came smoothly, almost rushing to get settled in the right places. 
On the last business day of the year, I picked up the divorce paper at my lawyer's after work, rushed to the ward office and turned it in. 

Done! I'm finally free! And will be finally receiving grants as a single mother!

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

51 Signs

To look back, all my life I had been searching for "signs" to follow because I was terrible at making decisions. (I was such a fatalist.) Now I know that signs are only spin-off manifestation of our intention or belief. 

Since I had totally relied on "signs", I made my reality ruled by them all these years. Gosh, how much misguided my life had been! I mean, what I learned from Divine Openings was that signs are not wrong, but not ALL. It is very tricky because what you see in your world is created by what you want to believe, thus we tend to believe that signs are proofs of something.

For example, Lola describes in a funny way, something similar to these:
If you bumped into someone attractive twice a day in the strangest places doesn't mean he/she is "the one", or if you keep seeing the same number sequentially in a day and someone attractive (again) showed up in a car with the number plate which had the exact same number wouldn't mean he/she should marry you. Ha ha, sounds somewhat familiar? Or only me?

What we got to do is intending rather than being passive and looking for signs! Of course, before making intentions, we have to listen to what our heart is telling us first. This might be the hardest part because "intelligent" and "wise" thinking could interfere with our true desires.

But I have to confess that I wanted to believe in the white mark appeared on my pointing finger, which is supposed to mean "luck with travel" when deciding to sign up for 5 Day Silent Retreat

Monday, September 16, 2013

50 Signed up for 5 Day Silent Retreat

I finally made up my mind to sign up for 5 Day Silent Retreat in Ojai, CA, January 2013.

Who would've thought that I could afford to travel to US (and to take a course) only after 6 months I last visited?

And to take 5 days off straight from my new work right after the long winter break, and leaving 9-year old daughter behind?
It was crazy enough because the move cost me a lot already, and soon-to-settle divorce would cost me a fortune.
(Actually who would've thought that the stranded divorce case would be moving and settling without trouble?)

After all it's all my mind that believed it must be "impossible" and "selfish".

Again, all it took was to ASK. Hello, didn't that sound familiar? 

It was that simple! 

My boss at work said, "no problem!" to my leave without questioning.  (Conveniently, I was allowed to take paid vacation starting from January.)
And my Mom and a family friend readily agreed to take care of my daughter during my absence. Most of all my daughter said it's OK for me to go alone!

So all these favorable conditions paved the way for my healing trip to California physically.

My next concern was the cost, so I asked my large self, God, the universe for help. 

Believe it or not, one luck after another, the whole trip cost became almost half by good fortune. 

I found the best price air-ticket to begin with, and sold things out of my closet for unexpectedly high price. Fortunately, the currency and the gold (some gold jewelry in my closet turned out to be valuable!) was at the most favorable rate for me.

Moreover, I was so lucky to get 2 illustration jobs from L.A., which I could turn in myself timely. So grateful!!
Of course balance is important, but we should not get sidetracked by money too much, when  pursuing the real valuable things in life.

Like Lola says, it's all "story". It only takes "intention" to make anything happen.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

49 New Home

Meanwhile, we moved to a new apartment, which finally feels like home!

The old place we moved out from was a parents' house of our family friend, vacant, yet crammed up with a few sets of furnitures and household goods from their recently deceased relatives.  

When we heard about this property from this friend, who wasn't willing to live there, Mom and I suggested that he should clean up the place to rent out. That's when I came up with a crazy yet brilliant idea. "Wait. What about us?"

We had to move to a bigger place sooner or later anyway, so why not? The place was fully furnished, close to school (just in time for my daughter to enter elementary school) , no security deposit needed, and a real bargain! All it took was weeks of breaking things in pieces, throwing them away, and cleaning up. 

I must have been lucky, but the truth was I didn't feel "happy" deep down. FrugaIity was somewhat fun for the 1st year when I started out new, but  it was wearing out and turning into fear that we might stay this way forever or worse.

Thus I invited "poor" situations more and more, until I finally decided to "be happy" again, which was the beginning of the whole journey in 2012.

On the contrary, the new apartment is of course more expensive, but my consciousness has become "richer", thus invited such situations. Not only the better-paying job, but also cost-saving situations naturally.

Also I threw away a lot of stuff...art books, drawings, references, paintings, documents, albums, letters, clothes.... I cannot believe most of them made a round-trip from Tokyo to L.A., and some more local moves. I got sick of "lots of stuff"!
It feels good to get rid of things, which is really "attachments". It's actually one of the things to do along with detox, as recommended by Dr. Schulze

Sunday, September 1, 2013

48 Tiny Thyroid Cancer

It took me 4 months in total for the whole process, and I finally found out what was wrong with my thyroid by biopsy.  (Nothing compared to the one for breast cancer, thank God.)

To make a long story short, a small cancer was found on the left side of my thyroid, however it was only 7mm in diameter and not close to any important organ, thus the doctor decided to take a wait-and-see approach

Hooray! It was no big deal after all, although it was identified as "cancer". 

"Thyroid cancer is pretty slow-growing, and often found accidentally by PET/CT. In some cases there's no disabling symptoms or no harm when it is as big as 5cm in diameter, so people don't realize them until then, and it's not too late to decide what to do at that point," he explained to me lightheartedly.

The more I visited the hospital the more relaxed I became, and among so many doctors (I saw different one every time) I must have attracted the most relaxed one to diagnose my case on that day. I liked his vibration and the way he described to me. I naturally reacted very cheerfully to the diagnosis.

"Wow, thank you for telling me. It was such a relief to know the cancer was too tiny to worry about for now!" 

As I mentioned before, I am pretty sure that the cancer had gotten shrunk by my "happier" vibration. I didn't feel choked around my throat any longer, and I was communicating with people much smoother, which is a good sign since thyroid is related to communication chakra. This little cancer may be gone by the next check-up which is 6 months from now!

Saturday, August 31, 2013

47 Thyroid check-up

I finally made up my mind to have my thyroid checked. It's been 4 months since PET/CT showed something suspicious on both sides of my thyroid.

Although I was told at the breast clinic that breast cancer does not spread to thyroid, I also heard the opposite opinion coincidentally from my uncle indirectly. He's a medical doctor and heard that I got breast cancer from his brother (my Dad), and told Dad that it would make things complicated if it spread to thyroid, and that he was hoping it would't happen to me. Dad called me to tell me that without any clue, so I didn't tell him anything.

The hospital specialized in thyroid is located in the middle of Omotesando, one of the high-end fashion areas in Tokyo. Honestly, I wasn't excited to go there because that was where my previous work was at, reminding me of sour memories, and I wasn't interested in strolling up the crowded street, or shopping in the most expensive area any longer. Most of all, I was afraid to find out something fatal in my thyroid.

Wow, don't I sound negative enough? So I decided to enjoy the day instead, dressed up to explore the area with my daughter, just like we do in Disneyland, since its going to take a whole day, waiting between several checkups.

So it turned out fun, watching fashionable people, the high-end design and architecture, fancy sport car passing by, checking out fancy stores and cafes, etc.

I took blood test, palpation, ultrasound in between above fun. 

After 2 weekends, I came back for the results, and was told to take biopsy next time. 
Yikes. Good thing was, by ultrasound, the suspected areas appeared much smaller than how it looked by PET/CT. The doctor said ultrasound should be much more accurate, but I assumed "the bad area" gotten smaller by my higher vibration and better diet!

Monday, August 26, 2013

46 Non-physical Detox Effect?

I didn't notice then but to look back, there were a lot of things started to happen after the detox.

Spiritually speaking, after my energy and system been cleaned up, stagnant energy started moving to make things surfacing up, which was all great:

I heard from my lawyer that the stranded divorce case started happening,
I was told to move out in 2 months due to my land lord's situation (which led us to a better living),
I got a new boss at work, who totally revolutionized the old system and working situation, to make my life much easier at work,
and I heard from a friend, who introduced Divine Openings to me, just registered to attend 5 Day Silent Retreat in Ojai, CA, January 2013!

5 Day Silent Retreat seemed like the ultimate event for me, and I dreamed of attending it, too. I heard and read about how drastically it's been changing people's lives, and curing "incurable" diseases. 

I was so inspired but not ready to join yet. It would require me to take long leave from work and to leave my daughter behind, and most of all it would cost me a fortune to join from Japan, thus it seemed too unrealistic at that time.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

45 NTA (Nerve Transmission Adjustment) doctor

Boy, I had never experienced dizziness like that before! I could not even get out of bed to reach my phone. 

I felt very lucky to have a very helpful 9 year-old daughter who made carrot juice for me besides fixing her own breakfast.

By the next day I felt better enough to go to the NTA doctor*, who was the only doctor I relied on in Japan for more than 10 years, but unfortunately I hadn't been able to afford him lately (those really good treatments are not covered by insurance). It was about time to visit him  finally.

As always, he told me straight what was wrong with me: It's post-detox diet.

He found out I was on strict detox/diet and said it's not good to be too strict because getting back to normal diet is very difficult and dangerous for the body to adjust.

I felt better and went to work after the treatment.

For about a month I felt a bit dizzy but nothing compared to the first day.  Only once it got worse again within a month, and the doctor asked me if I was taking any supplement. Strange, but it was true that I had started taking "good for cancer" supplement someone sent for me. 

The doctor says if you notice a physical problem, suspect anything you recently started taking i.e supplements or change of diet.

So many supplements were recommended by many people, but I decided to stick with "being happy" and taking healthy food as much as possible.

I stopped going to the doctor after several times, partly because of time and money, but more I wanted to be proactive about curing myself by not relying on him, the miracle doctor. I will save him as the last resort!

* NTA (Nerve Transmission Adjustment) treatment which combines ancient Chinese medicine, Ayurveda, homeopathy, qigong, etc.)

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

44 Post-detox issue

After the 30days of Incurables Program, I wasn't sure how to adjust my diet. There is no specific instruction what to do after detox, and that was one of the problems of self-taught program/not having an instructor.

We probably should stay as close as detox period: Raw and organic food, no salt, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, additives, animal-related food, but it was almost impossible to do so in Tokyo!

The first weekend after detox, I went out with my Mom to a vegan restaurant  to celebrate our health: She recovered enough to go out on her own, and I completed the 30-day. Although everything tasted a bit too salty for me, the food and atmosphere there was really fulfilling and made me feel happy.

My sense of relief started to prevail. The following weekend I visited my good friend who helped me through surgery. Although I started out "good" by bringing in lunch packed with veggies, 

as time passed by in her beautiful house on the hill looking down the ocean in gorgeous sunset hour, when California wine with cheese, prosciutto, and some gourmet appetizer was getting served in front of me, I couldn't find any reason to resist.

Ah, the Chardonnay tasted so wonderful. Then I gave myself permission to enjoy. 

Somehow my over-sensitiveness to regular food was gone while I was enjoying my pre-cancer favorite meal naturally. Life was good!

After a few days, however, I caught myself gotten irritated and depressed really badly for the first time in months. I am not sure if it was anything to do with change of diet. (Maybe I should have refrained from prosciutto or another glass of wine.)

Finally one morning after getting mad to my daughter and nagging her really badly the night before, I woke up in terrible dizziness. I could not move my head or eyes, and felt nauseous. Oops,did I drink too much last night? None! Then what happened?

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

43 Sweet temptations to "stuff feelings"

Although my detox was not nearly perfect, I noticed how sensitive I became to salt, sugar, caffeine, and animal-scent (in dairy product and meat) as well as chemical additives. 

Neither of them made me feel good, however, sometimes I had urges to fill myself with those to "run away from sufferings". In such cases, every time after some moments of tasting them, I realized they were no comforts after all. Those were like "junk-switch", which would lead me to unhealthy appetite one after another once turned on. 

As Lola says, sugar, caffeine, alcohol would "stuff" your feelings. They may comfort you (numb you) temporarily, but as long as you don't "feel the feelings", there is no escape.

How weak to temptations we poor humans are!
Contrarily, I still cannot give up on all the "good" food in the world. I'm still in doubt that I have to deny all the fine cuisine in the whole world to justify "healthy eats". I wish to enjoy them carefreely once my system is back to normal. Or I'll leave it open and see how my appetite changes along the way at least!

Monday, August 12, 2013

42 Experiencing 30-day detox (Incurables Program)

I felt so light, slightly dizzy, craving for salty taste (most vegetables and fruit are naturally sweet) and solid and warm food. The good news was, in mid summer in Tokyo, I don't remember being too hot to walk for 90 minutes in total every day, or even felt tired, thanking to juicing power. 

There is a juice bar at a station I use, which often saved me on the way home, to make it home without fainting in hunger.

I got lots and lots of carrot pulp every day after making juice, which I hated to throw away, so every day I managed to make it into some meal. With flax seed oil and almonds with cinnamon to make it like a dessert, or with apple cider vinegar, sprouts and raw GARLIC* to make it a salad. My daughter had to eat a lot of carrot pulp in her meal, too.

Before getting allergic to carrots, I discovered spinach and banana juice (green smoothy), using a simple blender, which is much faster to make and no wasting pulp, and less sweet. 

There were little hurdles here and there: Going-outs, friends visiting, a short trip during the 30 days.

The funniest solution for lunch-outing was smuggling my healthy raw-food lunch and juice into McDonald's.
I think I did it for 3 different settings.

It was impossible to prepare raw food for 3 meals or more in mid summer, so I gave up being perfect on the trip, and simply did my best and avoided stress.

*Dr. Schulze recommends (raw) GARLIC and CAYENNE PEPPER the most powerful herbs to fight diseases.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

41 Dr. Schulze's Incurables Program

My mission during the program:
1. Get up 1hr early for preparation
2. Make enough juice to drink in the morning and to fill 2L water bottle to bring to work.
3. Make sure to supply enough organic carrots, beets, apples, oranges, blueberries, lemons, garlic, etc. (Suggested juice contents are different for each program)
4. Prepare raw food: fresh fruit&veggies, dried fruit, raw nuts to bring to work.
5. Walk 60-90 min. every day

Incurables Program consists of:
Week1. Bowel/Colon Cleansing
Week2. Liver/Gallbladder Cleansing
Week3. Kidney/Bladder Cleansing
Week4. Bowel/Colon Cleansing

Each cleansing program lasts 5 days, then 2 days interval (I made it on weekend) before moving on to the next one, in total said 30 days, but really 28 days for me.

Each program has specific herbal formulas, detox tea, etc. On intervals I could skip that part and stay with raw food and juice.

Again, I had never tried any "detox" or "fasting", in other words, I had never had tolerance without food, so I was very worried if I was going to make it...

But somehow, I cleared Week 1.