66 Amazing episode of how the memorial service was made possible

Through this sad incident I became close to 2 lady friends of his who joined me to investigate where his body was and what really happened to him. According to the Social Security Index, he was supposed to be in CA, however one of the ladies did talk to him on the phone 3 days prior to his last day when he was staying at a motel in WA, on his way to Seattle. This did not make sense and we wanted to help solve this puzzle.

We contacted his family and stayed patient until they made action against their sorrow and confusion.

It turned out that one day in October, this young lady, working at the motel near Seattle where he last stayed and found dead due to his heart failure, kindly searched him in Facebook and contacted one of the ladies who originally posted the Social Security Death Index data to let people know about his death.

Her message was forwarded to his family right away, and they could stop the funeral in the last minute and arranged delivery of his urn to his family in San Francisco.

She only briefly met him when she checked him in, but somehow even the minimum communication with him gave a huge impression on her. So she was greatly saddened when she learned that he passed away the next morning and that the police had not found his family yet, although he wasn't the first who died in the hotel in her career.

After 3 months she learned by the local newspaper that his body was still kept at the local coroner's office but finally going to be cremated and buried with other 2 without family. Though she strongly wished to attend the funeral, she was not allowed to take a leave from work that day, so instead she decided to pay her visit to his grave. On her way, she learned that his burial was postponed until the next few days due to the maintenance issue of the vault. So she went home and made the search on internet.

Purely amazing. That's how this memorial service was made possible.

64 Physical symptoms of stress

Once I got emptied, I felt like starting anything new, like I was sitting in front of a white canvas. I used to think it's too late to start anything i.e. career and relationship when I was in the late 20s and 30s seemed so laughable. I was only condition-minded.

Right after I tuned into the state, I was told by my boss not to work overtime. 
Fine. 
Less income, but more productive time at home! I assumed that must be the next path to follow for my next goal, whatever that might be.

Often physical manifestation takes time for me, and especially physical reaction comes in delay. I had melena a couple of weeks later after I pulled myself together, so I took my diet more seriously, and took care of my body as much as possible. Maybe the extra time was given for me to rest.

This was in summer, and within a month, I heard from the group home that there would be a room available for my father. By his care manager's advice, we had applied to a group home near his place where they put him on the waiting list, and his turn came unexpectedly sooner. He would not have survived the summer otherwise.

I and my siblings decided to make a move ASAP. He lived alone in a place without air-condition, gradually going senile, even though he tried not to show us. 

Since our parents divorced, I was the only child who kept in touch with him once in a while. Cynically enough, on my operation day, I received a call from my uncle, his younger brother, telling me that he needed special attention. It took me a while to come to take care of him finally, and I asked my brothers to help him move, sorted things out and cleaned up his place in the apartment without air-condition in the severe heat of mid August.

Gosh, he did keep a lot of things!

So he finally made it to comfortable home where everything be taken care of and safe. Only he complained that he'd miss his freedom. 

This move was physically and mentally tough, but I dared to make our mother's 70th birthday trip to our old resort town in the mountains with nice hot spa, to get away from it all. It was so nice and  refreshing. I loved the smell of the deep green forest and the crisp clean air, enjoyed the little chilly morning in mid August. 

However, at the end of the trip I found something no-good was happening to my body. It seemed like rash, then it slowly grew to extreme dryness. I will refer more to this later.

52 Ending another OLD phase of my life

The following month was December, the last month of the wondrous year, which turned out to be the beginning of a new phase of my life. 

As I was trying to wrap up the year by tying loose ends as much as possible before starting another year with higher state of consciousness, especially because of attending 5 Day Silent Retreat in January, I felt it's also happening in the nonphysical level, as if old energy wanted to move out from me so that new energy could flow in.

As a result, the conflicting divorce case started moving and reached an agreement quickly, which once seemed impossible.

I'd also like to credit this for something I stuck to in hope of agreeable divorce, which was to  say the magical words subvocally to my wasband every morning and night,
"I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you." 

It is by Hoʻoponopono, recommended by a good friend that I should use for anyone I would like to shift consciousness towards.

At first I was only saying the words without meaning them, feeling uncomfortable, but gradually I felt natural and neutral about it, and finally I hardly held any grudges against him.

Before separation, I felt like I was only half alive for being deprived of freedom, abused verbally, and psychologically suppressed. I allowed myself to become a victim and blamed everything on my wasband. At that stage, I was so detached from spiritual practice which used to be the center of my life once, and was in total denial that I created all those with my vibration.

Now I totally understand that there is no point in blaming or questioning, because it's all me. All I can do is to feel, accept, appreciate and just be. Thus everything came smoothly, almost rushing to get settled in the right places. 

On the last business day of the year, I picked up the divorce paper at my lawyer's after work, rushed to the ward office and turned it in. 

Done! I'm finally free! And will be finally receiving grants as a single mother!

49 New Home

Meanwhile, we moved to a new apartment, which finally feels like home!

The old place we moved out from was a parents' house of our family friend, vacant, yet crammed up with a few sets of furnitures and household goods from their recently deceased relatives.  

When we heard about this property from this friend, who wasn't willing to live there, Mom and I suggested that he should clean up the place to rent out. That's when I came up with a crazy yet brilliant idea. "Wait. What about us?"

We had to move to a bigger place sooner or later anyway, so why not? The place was fully furnished, close to school (just in time for my daughter to enter elementary school) , no security deposit needed, and a real bargain! All it took was weeks of breaking things in pieces, throwing them away, and cleaning up. 

I must have been lucky, but the truth was I didn't feel "happy" deep down. FrugaIity was somewhat fun for the 1st year when I started out new, but  it was wearing out and turning into fear that we might stay this way forever or worse.

Thus I invited "poor" situations more and more, until I finally decided to "be happy" again, which was the beginning of the whole journey in 2012.

On the contrary, the new apartment is of course more expensive, but my consciousness has become "richer", thus invited such situations. Not only the better-paying job, but also cost-saving situations naturally.

Also I threw away a lot of stuff...art books, drawings, references, paintings, documents, albums, letters, clothes.... I cannot believe most of them made a round-trip from Tokyo to L.A., and some more local moves. I got sick of "lots of stuff"!
It feels good to get rid of things, which is really "attachments". It's actually one of the things to do along with detox, as recommended by Dr. Schulze. 

47 Thyroid check-up

I finally made up my mind to have my thyroid checked. It's been 4 months since PET/CT showed something suspicious on both sides of my thyroid.

Although I was told at the breast clinic that breast cancer does not spread to thyroid, I also heard the opposite opinion coincidentally from my uncle indirectly. He's a medical doctor and heard that I got breast cancer from his brother (my Dad), and told Dad that it would make things complicated if it spread to thyroid, and that he was hoping it would't happen to me. Dad called me to tell me that without any clue, so I didn't tell him anything.

The hospital specialized in thyroid is located in the middle of Omotesando, one of the high-end fashion areas in Tokyo. Honestly, I wasn't excited to go there because that was where my previous work was at, reminding me of sour memories, and I wasn't interested in strolling up the crowded street, or shopping in the most expensive area any longer. Most of all, I was afraid to find out something fatal in my thyroid.

Wow, don't I sound negative enough? So I decided to enjoy the day instead, dressed up to explore the area with my daughter, just like we do in Disneyland, since its going to take a whole day, waiting between several checkups.

So it turned out fun, watching fashionable people, the high-end design and architecture, fancy sport car passing by, checking out fancy stores and cafes, etc.

I took blood test, palpation, ultrasound in between above fun. 

After 2 weekends, I came back for the results, and was told to take biopsy next time. Yikes. Good thing was, by ultrasound, the suspected areas appeared much smaller than how it looked by PET/CT. The doctor said ultrasound should be much more accurate, but I assumed "the bad area" gotten smaller by my higher vibration and better diet!

46 Non-physical Detox Effect?

I didn't notice then but to look back, there were a lot of things started to happen after the detox.

Spiritually speaking, after my energy and system been cleaned up, stagnant energy started moving to make things surfacing up, which was all great:

I heard from my lawyer that the stranded divorce case started happening,
I was told to move out in 2 months due to my land lord's situation (which led us to a better living),
I got a new boss at work, who totally revolutionized the old system and working situation, to make my life much easier at work,
and I heard from a friend, who introduced Divine Openings to me, just registered to attend 5 Day Silent Retreat in Ojai, CA, January 2013!

5 Day Silent Retreat seemed like the ultimate event for me, and I dreamed of attending it, too. I heard and read about how drastically it's been changing people's lives, and curing "incurable" diseases. 

I was so inspired but not ready to join yet. It would require me to take long leave from work and to leave my daughter behind, and most of all it would cost me a fortune to join from Japan, thus it seemed too unrealistic at that time.

40 Everything was perfect on the 1st day at work

I got a juicer and 2L water bottle ready to start Dr.Schulze's Incurables Program anytime, but I just wanted to wait and see how it would go at the new job. 

"How I would fit the job or people" would be my concern usually, but this time, "how I would handle my diet at work" was on top of it.

Well, now that I know I create my reality, so I shift concern to intention to "enjoy" and "appreciate" work and diet!

So there came the first day at work. The first hurdle was welcome lunch; I told my boss that I got some limitations on food without being too specific. Limitation on food means antisocial, which I'd hate, but I had to find a mutual solution. I decided to tell people that I got "some physical issues" thus taking healthy food to take care of myself. I had to protect myself from losing the job by mentioning "cancer", just to be safe.

I learned that most people were having desk lunch, which would be ideal for me to go on the detox program, so I decided to start from the next Monday.

I felt relaxed and fitted at work, which was a great relief. And I happened to find the lady sitting next to me was also very health-conscious, and knew a lot about veganism. It was incredible to meet someone this close, considering how Japanese people are ignorant about veganism.

After work, I stopped by the organic grocery store near the office to explore. It's fun to study all kinds of "good" food, but at the same time, It's a hard fact that every single healthy item costs about 3 times more than what I used to spend... 
"It's OK, I should be able to afford what I need, because I simply ASK for it!"

Of course yes. At the end of the day I came home to find that I unexpectedly received money in my bank account! It was the director of my previous job, concerned about my health and specially arranged retirement benefit for me. I am so grateful for him, as well as for the universe to make this miracle happen!

19 My iMac and me

Something symbolic and funny happened. 

I had a 4 year-old iMac at the time, and it kept shutting down with nasty groaning noise. I asked around and researched for the cause in vain, and ended up replacing with a new one. (Another painful investment!)

Luckily, a friend wanted to take the old one, so instead of paying to recycle, I was going to pack it neatly to send it off COD. When taking the old iMac off my desk, I saw the back of it for the first time since I set it up there. There I saw, the big black fluffy round thing stuck in the back of the monitor!

Good Heavens! That was something I subconsciously  avoided to look. How strange that no one including myself detected this for the cause! It was as simple as I forgot to clean the vent until my poor iMac ended up groaning in overheat.

I was plucking the thick dust from the vent and thinking, ”Now it should work just like new over there!"

How funny it's so simple but takes this much to realize.  It's just like me, over the years my heart was slowly getting stuffed with stress, overlooked for so long, and now is the major clean-up time.

16 Responsibility as a Single Mom?

The answer always lies within your heart.

Against all odds, I still believed in natural cure, as there really are many people who cured from their serious diseases, and I wanted to give it a try for myself.

Meanwhile, from all the objections, this was the hardest one:

"You have to be responsible for your health because you have a child to take care of!"

This made me feel like I was selfish to avoid "legitimate" treatment. But I finally came down to what felt just right for me:

"I want to defeat cancer on my own and live happily, and I will show my child how I do it!"

There, I am responsible for myself and my child.

I  decided to try Dr.Schulze's Detox Program for physical approach, and for spiritual approach, to take Skype sessions with Lola Jones, who is a founder of  "Divine Openings", which I had been largely influenced by and helped already at the time.

14 Lymph node biopsy results

The next day after my daughter left for school, I took off the breast band. My breast, underarm and side were badly bruised and looked nothing like what I took glance of right after the surgery.  

Soon after, a lady from my neighborhood, who is a childcare person for my daughter kindly visited me to  see if I was doing fine. She is the nicest lady I ever know. I only told her about my surgery but did not tell her any details. She brought me some fruit and asked me if she could help me in any way. I was so grateful, and asked her to go shopping with me.  It was a bit challenging because it hurt to walk, but it was worthwhile. My doctor recommended that I should exercise as much as I could, since I was suppose to go back to work in a week.

And from the next day, it was the long weekend. I sent my child to her father for 4 days, and again my friend helped accompanying her to the airport.

How I appreciated everything!  
I looked at my bruised breasts every day and thanked God or universe for letting me have these miracles.

After 4 days of the surgery, I went back to the clinic for check-up and results for biopsy. Again, with the same dear friend to accompany me to witness. 

The doctor made a sour face and said,  "The results were no good. "

In regular lymph node biopsy they take out 4 lymph nodes to check, but in my case they took 8 and they were all infected. Therefore they recommended that I should  take chemotherapy, and hormone treatment to follow, and radiation. The full course!

13 After surgery

I started to hear something from far away, and still in a haze, these voices reminded me that I was being given surgery. 

"Wonder how she's going to support herself after this.""She's going through divorce with her child, and her mother is in serious illness."

Doctors must have had no idea that I could hear their conversation, but it was done so close to me and just above me,  and I was in between them.

"Gee, leave me alone! I can make it somehow!", I said to myself in drowsiness.

After all done, a nurse woke me up, then I had to get up and walk back to the patients room by myself. Although still groggy by anesthesia, I took a glance at my breasts before they put thick bandages around them. 

How they looked so clean and beautiful (didn't see any bruises then)! That was the biggest relief. Thank you, doctors! 

It was about 10pm already when I returned to my bed, but the same friend who accompanied me kindly waited and also brought another good friend to say hello to me at the bed, which was so nice. The operation took 3 hours, which was more than expected, and I was told why it took that long later on.

The next morning I was out of the hospital. The same friend came to meet me, and another friend came to give us a ride to my apartment. They brought their best "natural" food for me to have a little tea party. Again, I was really fortunate.  

I could walk but I could not use my arms much, and I could not lie down because it was impossibly painful to get up due to the pain in the breasts. So I was supposed to rest in sitting posture for a while.

In the afternoon, my girl came home from school, and I greeted her in the bedroom. That I remember, but honestly I can't remember how we spent time the rest of the day and the next day. I was sure that I prepared meal for her, but I just don't remember.

12 The day of surgery

I was so thankful that the fund for my surgery arrived from New York, and that a couple of good  friends kindly committed to accompany me for clinic visits since none of my family was available, and also that a family friend would take care of my child while I was in hospital. I never felt this supported in my life before. I always felt guilty to ask, and felt I had to give much more in return. 

All I had to do was to let go of my fear and to take life's wonderful offers with gratitude, and to give what I purely wanted to in return, but not necessarily to the same person who gave.

I thought I'd already  "understood" the concept of unconditional love, but I always put myself on the giving side, but never, to come to think of it,  allowed myself on the receiving side. Now after opened up and receiving, I feel like I can give better!

I wore a bright-colored floral-printed shirt on the day of surgery to raise my spirit. I was a bit nervous but more excited to get cancer taken out of me and get brand new breasts by the top surgeon.

I was so lucky to have chosen this clinic,  because the doctor turned out to be well known and supposed to be one of the top breast surgeon specialized in both medical and plastic surgery, and most of all, considered best for simultaneous reconstruction. I had no idea!

Finally I was called up for treatment, and said good bye to my friend. After final blood tests, it seemed forever to wait on a bed, starving and thirsty waiting for my turn. I saw a patient with bloody gown loudly walked in, heard another patient talking about the silicon broke in her breast... I was hoping not to become scared. At that point I just wanted to get it done ASAP. After 6-7 hours after arriving at the clinic, I was finally called to the operation room. And into the room I walked in.....

Now, it's show time!

03 There must be a way to cure in healthy way

"You must be crazy. You got to take chemotherapy as your doctor recommended!" 

"You can't be selfish because you have a child to take care of!"

"You'll be sorry."

Those were the words I received from my mother, doctor, and my friends when I told them that I was thinking of declining chemical treatment and go for natural cure.

It was over a year ago when I took sentinel lymph node biopsy and mastectomy,  and found that my cancer was in advanced stage, thus suggested the full course: chemotherapy, hormone treatment, and radiation treatment.

Honestly, I just simply didn't understand the concept that chemical treatment is a must for prevention of recurrence even if no cancer found in PET/CT. How can most of people accept and take as suggested? 

There must be a way to cure in healthy way than to kill cancer cells (which is not 100% effective anyway) with side effects which could severely damage you both physically and emotionally! 

02 My life purpose is to be happy

My life purpose is to be happy, and my purpose here is to 

show that there is natural cure as an option besides chemical cure for breast cancer (as well as for other diseases) because doctors never tell you about this at the heart-breaking diagnosis,and to be of help to anyone who needs the information, 

hopefully to get inspired by or encouraged by, and most of all to be happy.

I also would like to exchange experiences and thoughts with anyone who follows the same path.

I don't mean to offend people who chose chemical treatment. What I believe is whatever you choose is right for you, no matter what. And if you want to make changes, that's when it's good to change!

01 Prologue

---To all my family and friends who have been supporting me and bringing about miracles to me---

Just when I decided to start this blog, this shocking news about Angelina Jolie's double mastectomy prevailed the whole world. Although I greatly respect her bravery and love for her children to make them feel safe--in fact I did take mastectomy myself for not having enough information in limited time--, my perception toward the disease is simply opposite of hers.

Because what I chose after so much confusion and among so many choices was natural cure, which I always believed against chemical cure.

Of course It felt horrible, as if it was the end of the world when I first found out about my breast cancer. I was struggling in the endless process of divorce with a child, and I just could not afford to take such serious disease. I was at a loss.

To look back,  that's when my life has turned out to be.....so wonderful!! 

Believe it or not.