73 Series of coincidences

I'm familiar with coincidence and manifestation, but it's always exciting if it happens, and more exciting if it keeps happening.

This series happened during the mid week of May. It started from a small manifestation.

Recently I was thinking of buying a good salt, as a health conscious person replacing most things in the kitchen shelf with organic ones but salt. I realized it's because I was not supposed to take salt when I first I started Dr. Schulze's diet, and I was still living in the past.

Then I thought of this salt, Fleur de Sel (salt flower) of Camargue, France, which used to be my favorite. I was visiting south of France frequently during 1999-2002, and it was one of the must item from the era. 

 I love the package design, the cork lid, and of course the salt itself. "Just a pinch of it makes any food taste better like a magic", said a friend in Paris, who was a great cook, as introducing me this magic salt.  Later on I had a chance to visit Camargue when studying in Avignon, and loved the idyllic scene, just like the painting on its package.

Anyway, displaying this salt in my kitchen reminds me of good life, the days when I was free and healthy, didn't worry about illness or money, but purely enjoyed good food. Sad to say I only care what's less harmful and inexpensive nowadays.

Then a few weeks later when I came home, this salt was sitting on our dining table!

I got flabbergasted and asked my daughter how in the world this salt got here. She said that it was given by her friend's Mom. Yes...they recently moved back from Paris. But did I ask her to get that specific item for me? No. It's a pure coincidence. I felt blessed.

Another surprise was, my mom brought me a part of my long-lost memorabilia. When I moved out from my parents' house, I selected my old photos, letters, awards and stuff from the childhood to pack in a stock box, and later I was told that it disappeared. I was so upset about it, and even suspected that it must have been thrown away on purpose by my brother who still lived there and had hoarding disorder.

Sure enough, my brother, all of a sudden pulled out dusty things from his piles and told Mom to return to me. Obviously they were the part  of my lost things, but not in the box any longer, and awfully dusty and moldy.

It was such a happy surprise, but at the same time with a little bit of anger to him for not telling me about this all this time, and not apologizing. And also invasion of privacy...

But I dared say nothing but thanked him. He said, "good thing they still existed." unapologetically.

At the time I cut down the items to as less as possible, torn up inside to throw away so many things with memory, but now I looked at them, I don't have attachment to most of them. I once gave up on those, too, and I have much less attachment to things in general.

Lastly, I kept bumping into people on the train. But the funniest one is, I bumped into someone, which was like the odds of winning the lottery. A Silent-retreater friend posted on Facebook saying his partner would be visiting Tokyo for the first time, with a photo. Well, when I was working late and about to get on the train, a familiar looking guy just stepped out, with the same exact costume that I'd seen on FB. I called to him right away and shook hands. (Later on we got together for a fun and healthy lunch)

72 Aural fullness

Speaking of physical issues, aural fullness has been bothering me for about 3months. It happens every morning on the way to work, then it disappears when I don't notice during the day. Obviously it got to do with stress at work, since it only happens during the week without fail,  although it sometimes happened on weekends, when I went out taking a train in the morning (probably conditioned reflex).

It is strange because I don't feel stressed going to work. Actually I like my work. But my left ear becomes stuffy, which seems to imply that "I don't want to hear" maybe someone sitting on my left? Nevertheless,  the gentleman on my left is very nice and keeps good company with me.

Anyway, I observe the moment it happens every morning, and look forward to the day it won't happen. Sometimes it started even I before I left home, or sometimes it didn't start until I transferred to the last train to work. (I usually take 3 trains).

And finally the day has finally arrived! I appreciated so much that I started work with clear hearing. How comfortable it was! How wonderful it feels if body functions normal! 

It must be the Yoga class I attended last night. Besides swimming, Yoga was one of the things I've been wanting to do but never made the extra efforts to make it happen for years. Now that I'm supposed to exercise to reduce pain in my ribs among other physical issues, and my family is supporting me for the luxury after work.

69 Happy painting

Around Christmas, like a magic, all of a sudden I was able to start painting again.

Besides all the things I appreciate nowadays, this Christmas gift has been the most grateful one so far. It took me so many years to get to this point, although it is just a beginning.

I don't know why, but I'd been feeling guilty or worthless if I could not paint. 

I was always wishing I could find a breakthrough and start painting like maniac day and night, filled with ideas all the time.

But in reality, there was always too much thinking, too much stress, fixed idea that I should paint better or in particular style which should be different from anyone...etc. to be in the way.

I never liked any of my paintings especially the ones that I put for my show in Tokyo. I was under condition, and couldn't open up to paint what I truly was.

Always doubt, ambivalence, uncertainty filtered my color, expression, brush strokes, and dulled down everything.

Now I enjoy painting, and paint because I want to, not because I should. 

I still got to loosen up much more, because I often catch myself getting caught in too much details when I hear a little voice saying, "no, the color should be this way, and the shape should be more that way..." in fear of making "mistakes". 

I want to paint the way it makes me happy, and the way it frees me more. It's like a therapy. I got to keep reminding myself to ENJOY!

68 Opened for music

The next two months after the short trip to San Francisco Bay Area, our life opened up for music.

It started out with the rock concert I made reservation months before as a Christmas present for my daughter. Until then I hadn't given permission to myself for going to concerts because it's too expensive, but I broke it finally to allow ourselves to have fun. 

How I used to love going to concerts! I gave up so many things I loved to do just because of the "story" that convinces me that I cannot afford them or that I shouldn't prioritize my own fun. 

And of course we both enjoyed the concert 120%! I even dug out my concert outfit from 20 years ago and dared to put it on for fun. 

This "pure fun" for music led us to more music. 

I used to play guitar in a band for fun, but I didn't have a guitar with me any longer. I couldn't afford to add my Les Paul in a soft case to the minimum baggage for my new life, when leaving the old house. And ever since, a guitar was never in the higher chart on my wish list.

But one day at work, I overheard a guy sitting across from me saying that he was going to sell his Les Paul for an affordable price. Before I knew it, I asked him if I could buy it. It came in a hard case, too!

Coincidentally, a Fender Stratocaster was sent to my daughter after a few weeks from her father as a gift. He knew she was interested and decided to give one of his away to her. All of a sudden we got 2 guitars in our humble apartment! 

So we went to a music store to get an amp and small parts for our guitars, and besides all the rock stuff,  my daughter was also interested in the violin, so she tried it out while at the store.

This developed into a whole new ado about "violin/viola lesson." She tried both violin and viola lesson, and even attracted a couple of chances to be invited to strings concerts without asking.

These coincidences really explain how easily life unfolds depending where we point our noses at!

67 Memorial Tour in the Bay Area

All I was told from the bereaved family then was the memorial service would take place at San Francisco Bay in sea burial style sometime during the weekend of mid November. 

I was able to make this 3-day 5-night trip to the Bay Area (that's all I could afford to)  in my favorite "let-it-happen" style without car or hotel arrangements, but it turned out the best anyway.

I arrived in freezing SFO at night, picked up by my long lost friend from the art college. I felt like home seeing her, as her place was always my home every time I visited the Bay Area. 

The ceremony took place in the next morning, departing from a harbor in Sausalito. There were some old familiar faces as well as some new ones but mostly already familiar by Facebook. 

It was intimate and beautiful, with heartfelt saxophone performance by our old friend. Returning him to the ocean was the brilliant idea by his little sister, as he loved the ocean, always diving and fishing. 

The young lady who made this ceremony happen also flew in to join, and among the bereaved family and close friends, she was also crying on the boat, as well as at the memorial lunch which followed, where everyone shared memory of our dear departed. She said in tears, "It's so amazing how he touched my life so deeply when I only met him for a few minutes." 

After the beautiful ceremony, I decided to stay with my new friend who was close to the dear late friend in his last years and found out about his death first. She gave me a ride to her home in Nevada City. What an adventurous trip it was! 

She is a social worker, helping homeless people. And she told me that our dear late friend also helped so many lives and inspired people by his music performance on the streets and at local cafes.

She also is vegan by the way, and it was perfect to adjust my slack diet back to what I first started, since California is vegan friendly.

I had no idea but Nevada City had interesting culture, artistic galleries reminiscent of Berkeley, music performance everywhere, organic grown vegetables, and unpaved roads, full of something I had not experienced in daily life.

After paying a visit to his friends and given hugs from them the next day, I headed back to the Bay Area by Amtrak, then picked up again by my old school mate to take the memorial tour in our old school, my old neighborhood, and our favorite cafe in Berkeley. We had so much fun!

During the whole trip, I felt my dear late friend's presence and could sense him laughing, much happier than what he had been for the last few years. I bet he set me up to reunite with old friends and also new precious friends. 

Thank you, my dear old friend! I enjoyed every moment of the trip...and I know it's leading to something even more wonderful.

65 The Bay Area Calling

Around those days, I became so homesick for the Bay Area for no reason. 

Oakland was the first city I came to live in the USA to learn illustration at an art college in the late '80s. It was the biggest change and challenge in my life especially because I never left my family in Tokyo until then.

I only spent a year there since I transferred to a bigger school in L.A., but the first year I spent in the Bay Area left a strong impression on me, so I ended up visiting there once a year at least, and I enjoyed the travel by driving each time.

It only seemed yesterday the first day I arrived with my suitcase to SFO, to Rockridge station by BART, to the school apartment with mixed feelings of hope and fear. There I found that I had to buy my own beddings, and one of my roommates took me to shopping and showed me what I had to buy. (I had no idea how each bedding item was called, the size system, etc.) Everything was new to me and there were full of surprises everyday.

It all came back fresh to me how the school cafeteria smelled like and what I first ordered there, my favorite cafes to do homework with friends at night, the night view of the Bay Bridge from our apartment...

I would usually think of L.A. to visit, but that time nostalgia to the Bay Area was prevailing. Soon I reconnected with my old school mates from the era on Facebook, and I was hoping to find company for my nostalgic trip which I was aiming in winter break.

Soon enough, I knew why I was attracted to the Bay Area. I found this shocking news on FB that my dear old friend from that time had been dead since early June.

He was a senior at the art school and was like a big brother to me, a local but born in Japan therefore bi-lingual and bi-cultural, just perfect for me to learn a lot from. He seemed to be friends with everybody on campus, and was friendly to anyone he came across, even to a street person asking for a drag. Most of all, he was the first-ever spiritual person whom I encountered, and inspired me all along the line. 

For me he always played a pivotal role in my life, to introduce me to new career opportunities or important people, which and who always took me to the next level.

He was such a free soul, and nobody knew where he'd gone to or what he'd been up to until a good friend of his found his death by Social Security Death Index 3 months later, although at that point nobody knew where he was last or how he died, etc. 

This news saddened so many people, as he'd touched so many lives. I was just one of them but fortunate enough to be invited by his family to his memorial service at San Francisco Bay.

This was how my dream came true in November. And naturally, I reunited with long-lost local friend who was also a mutual friend of his, and I got to take the memorial tour together with her in Oakland and Berkeley.

49 New Home

Meanwhile, we moved to a new apartment, which finally feels like home!

The old place we moved out from was a parents' house of our family friend, vacant, yet crammed up with a few sets of furnitures and household goods from their recently deceased relatives.  

When we heard about this property from this friend, who wasn't willing to live there, Mom and I suggested that he should clean up the place to rent out. That's when I came up with a crazy yet brilliant idea. "Wait. What about us?"

We had to move to a bigger place sooner or later anyway, so why not? The place was fully furnished, close to school (just in time for my daughter to enter elementary school) , no security deposit needed, and a real bargain! All it took was weeks of breaking things in pieces, throwing them away, and cleaning up. 

I must have been lucky, but the truth was I didn't feel "happy" deep down. FrugaIity was somewhat fun for the 1st year when I started out new, but  it was wearing out and turning into fear that we might stay this way forever or worse.

Thus I invited "poor" situations more and more, until I finally decided to "be happy" again, which was the beginning of the whole journey in 2012.

On the contrary, the new apartment is of course more expensive, but my consciousness has become "richer", thus invited such situations. Not only the better-paying job, but also cost-saving situations naturally.

Also I threw away a lot of stuff...art books, drawings, references, paintings, documents, albums, letters, clothes.... I cannot believe most of them made a round-trip from Tokyo to L.A., and some more local moves. I got sick of "lots of stuff"!
It feels good to get rid of things, which is really "attachments". It's actually one of the things to do along with detox, as recommended by Dr. Schulze. 

48 Tiny Thyroid Cancer

It took me 4 months in total for the whole process, and I finally found out what was wrong with my thyroid by biopsy.  (Nothing compared to the one for breast cancer, thank God.)

To make a long story short, a small cancer was found on the left side of my thyroid, however it was only 7mm in diameter and not close to any important organ, thus the doctor decided to take a wait-and-see approach. 

Hooray! It was no big deal after all, although it was identified as "cancer". 

"Thyroid cancer is pretty slow-growing, and often found accidentally by PET/CT. In some cases there's no disabling symptoms or no harm when it is as big as 5cm in diameter, so people don't realize them until then, and it's not too late to decide what to do at that point," he explained to me lightheartedly.

The more I visited the hospital the more relaxed I became, and among so many doctors (I saw different one every time) I must have attracted the most relaxed one to diagnose my case on that day. I liked his vibration and the way he described to me. I naturally reacted very cheerfully to the diagnosis.

"Wow, thank you for telling me. It was such a relief to know the cancer was too tiny to worry about for now!" 

As I mentioned before, I am pretty sure that the cancer had gotten shrunk by my "happier" vibration. I didn't feel choked around my throat any longer, and I was communicating with people much smoother, which is a good sign since thyroid is related to communication chakra. This little cancer may be gone by the next check-up which is 6 months from now!

47 Thyroid check-up

I finally made up my mind to have my thyroid checked. It's been 4 months since PET/CT showed something suspicious on both sides of my thyroid.

Although I was told at the breast clinic that breast cancer does not spread to thyroid, I also heard the opposite opinion coincidentally from my uncle indirectly. He's a medical doctor and heard that I got breast cancer from his brother (my Dad), and told Dad that it would make things complicated if it spread to thyroid, and that he was hoping it would't happen to me. Dad called me to tell me that without any clue, so I didn't tell him anything.

The hospital specialized in thyroid is located in the middle of Omotesando, one of the high-end fashion areas in Tokyo. Honestly, I wasn't excited to go there because that was where my previous work was at, reminding me of sour memories, and I wasn't interested in strolling up the crowded street, or shopping in the most expensive area any longer. Most of all, I was afraid to find out something fatal in my thyroid.

Wow, don't I sound negative enough? So I decided to enjoy the day instead, dressed up to explore the area with my daughter, just like we do in Disneyland, since its going to take a whole day, waiting between several checkups.

So it turned out fun, watching fashionable people, the high-end design and architecture, fancy sport car passing by, checking out fancy stores and cafes, etc.

I took blood test, palpation, ultrasound in between above fun. 

After 2 weekends, I came back for the results, and was told to take biopsy next time. Yikes. Good thing was, by ultrasound, the suspected areas appeared much smaller than how it looked by PET/CT. The doctor said ultrasound should be much more accurate, but I assumed "the bad area" gotten smaller by my higher vibration and better diet!

44 Post-detox issue

After the 30days of Incurables Program, I wasn't sure how to adjust my diet. There is no specific instruction what to do after detox, and that was one of the problems of self-taught program/not having an instructor.

We probably should stay as close as detox period: Raw and organic food, no salt, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, additives, animal-related food, but it was almost impossible to do so in Tokyo!

The first weekend after detox, I went out with my Mom to a vegan restaurant  to celebrate our health: She recovered enough to go out on her own, and I completed the 30-day. Although everything tasted a bit too salty for me, the food and atmosphere there was really fulfilling and made me feel happy.

My sense of relief started to prevail. The following weekend I visited my good friend who helped me through surgery. Although I started out "good" by bringing in lunch packed with veggies, 

as time passed by in her beautiful house on the hill looking down the ocean in gorgeous sunset hour, when California wine with cheese, prosciutto, and some gourmet appetizer was getting served in front of me, I couldn't find any reason to resist.

Ah, the Chardonnay tasted so wonderful. Then I gave myself permission to enjoy. 

Somehow my over-sensitiveness to regular food was gone while I was enjoying my pre-cancer favorite meal naturally. Life was good!

After a few days, however, I caught myself gotten irritated and depressed really badly for the first time in months. I am not sure if it was anything to do with change of diet. (Maybe I should have refrained from prosciutto or another glass of wine.)

Finally one morning after getting mad to my daughter and nagging her really badly the night before, I woke up in terrible dizziness. I could not move my head or eyes, and felt nauseous. Oops,did I drink too much last night? None! Then what happened?

40 Everything was perfect on the 1st day at work

I got a juicer and 2L water bottle ready to start Dr.Schulze's Incurables Program anytime, but I just wanted to wait and see how it would go at the new job. 

"How I would fit the job or people" would be my concern usually, but this time, "how I would handle my diet at work" was on top of it.

Well, now that I know I create my reality, so I shift concern to intention to "enjoy" and "appreciate" work and diet!

So there came the first day at work. The first hurdle was welcome lunch; I told my boss that I got some limitations on food without being too specific. Limitation on food means antisocial, which I'd hate, but I had to find a mutual solution. I decided to tell people that I got "some physical issues" thus taking healthy food to take care of myself. I had to protect myself from losing the job by mentioning "cancer", just to be safe.

I learned that most people were having desk lunch, which would be ideal for me to go on the detox program, so I decided to start from the next Monday.

I felt relaxed and fitted at work, which was a great relief. And I happened to find the lady sitting next to me was also very health-conscious, and knew a lot about veganism. It was incredible to meet someone this close, considering how Japanese people are ignorant about veganism.

After work, I stopped by the organic grocery store near the office to explore. It's fun to study all kinds of "good" food, but at the same time, It's a hard fact that every single healthy item costs about 3 times more than what I used to spend... 
"It's OK, I should be able to afford what I need, because I simply ASK for it!"

Of course yes. At the end of the day I came home to find that I unexpectedly received money in my bank account! It was the director of my previous job, concerned about my health and specially arranged retirement benefit for me. I am so grateful for him, as well as for the universe to make this miracle happen!

38 Thank-you notes

The next day was my daughter's 9th birthday, and we celebrated the day at Universal Studios. It's a fun place to be, but like all the other amusement parks, it's a hard place for a healthy-eater to get by. I was saved by a few bunches of organic grapes prepared by my thoughtful friend in the morning. 

But for dinner, since this 9 year-old girl hadn't gotten to eat anything meaty during this trip due to my condition, I took her to a steak house in the park. I wanted her to experience traditional American dining as well, which I used to enjoy, and might do again in future!

I just made it OK with grilled fish for myself, and overlooked little things I was supposed to stay away from. After all, it was her birthday! 

So we had a blast that day, and picked up our baggage at the same friend's to say good bye and thank you, then took off to Tokyo past midnight.

I am so thankful for all my friends who helped our stay comfortable and pleasurable, supported and cared about my health condition, and took care of my daughter. I love you all!

And I'm thankful to my breast cancer because I wouldn't have been able to enjoy and appreciate each moment like this without experiencing it.

37 Amazing Vegan/Raw Food Restaurant

The next day we moved on to the next and the last friend's in West Hollywood. She is a successful business person running 2 companies based in the area, so cool and inspiring. 

She also understood my situation fully and kindly offered to look after my daughter so I could go to Erewhon to supply myself with organic needs. That was very nice of her! I

So there I soaked myself in organic land. It was so exciting to see all the advanced products not yet sold in Japan, and some familiar ones in much less price (most of organic products sold in Japan are imported from US). Too bad that the things I wanted to buy the most required me to live locally.

For dinner, she took us to this amazing organic vegan/raw food restaurant, "Cafe Gratitude", where she actually went to put us on the waiting list otherwise it would've been impossible to make a reservation on the day. She said the restaurant was one of the hottest spots in town!

Even the single fact that vegan is so popular makes me want to move to L.A.!  There are very few vegan restaurants in Tokyo. When it comes to raw food restaurant, as far as I know, there is only 1!

Her daughter who grew up to be a fine lady joined our dinner as a happy surprise, as well as another cheerful old friend, to make our table full of happy girls in all ages.

The food there was amazing! I wouldn't mind being vegan forever if I got to eat this quality food all the time!

32 Redondo Beach

All excitement of driving aside, we arrived at our friends' in my second home town, 
Redondo Beach around 8pm. 

Ellie was so kind to prepare non-salted steamed potatoes, fresh veggies and fruit for me without asking too much. She is a good friend of mine, as well as her daughter to mine. We first met at an international play group for Moms and kids in Japan, and her family relocated to L.A. due to her husband's work, and happened to find a nice property in Redondo Beach, where I lived the last 4 years of my life in California. 

We got so much to catch up with, and fun plans ahead. 

Now it's perfect again because I could leave my daughter with them during my day trip to Ojai to see Lola, and we would both be happy! 

Here we are on the left, going through a very familiar path to the beach. It's so strange for me that my friends from Japan are the local now and I'm visiting my old neighborhood led by them... Life is full of surprises and joys!

17 I got a better job! Now what...California?

I rode a bike on the 5^th day, picked up my daughter who came back from her Dad’s on the 6^th day, and went back to work on the 7^th day like nothing happened (Nobody knew about my illness and surgery except for my managers). I was fine except that I felt vulnerable to get on a jam-packed Tokyo train because of my whole breast area aching, still partially bleeding and numb.

 

The very day, I received a call from my agent about a very attractive job offer. It sounded as if the post was prepared for me, and the salary was attractive as well. I was originally requesting for a better-paying job in order to cover chemical treatment, but at that point I would use that for switching to natural and organic food, and simply for a better living.

 

So the interview was set up the following week, and boom! I got the job on that day. (I'm enjoying the job and appreciating it every day.) Things worked out perfectly again, and my successor was found easily thus I could quit earlier than expected, to make the starting day of the new job at earliest. I mean, I planned to switch jobs without any breaks first, as the new company asked me to start ASAP, however, it turned out that they could wait.

 

Thus, the 2 weeks of freedom was given to me as a gift from God. How would I want to spend it?

 

I came up with the most brilliant and crazy idea: How about going to California?

30 Love Driving in California

Last time I got a rent-a-car, I overestimated my geographical memories and cut down on car navigation, which was a fatal mistake!

Back in the '90s we used to drive around with Thomas Guides handy, and some road maps from AAA in the glove compartment. Then in the noughties, our brains must have gotten spoiled by IT and digital devices...and forgot how to read maps and drive...or at least that was my case.

So I invested on a little GPS system and even a rental cell phone, and we flew out in the city of Los Angeles a little past  magic hour. Ah how I missed driving in L.A.!

I could go on and on about how I love driving in L.A., or California, or anywhere in the States. Whenever I was dreaming of California, I would imagine myself driving on Hwy 1 around Big Sur, overwhelmed by the breathtaking view, or shooting up on I5 north from L.A. through desert, singing at the top of my lungs with my favorite music in full blast.

I wonder if all the cancer cells in my body would dissapesr if I drive and sing like this for a day,  feeling a oneness with the whole.

In Divine Openings there is a little technique called "raving". It raises your spirit to rave about anything you could appreciate e.g. "I love my new pair of slippers! They are so comfortable and look so cute! And...", "I love my Mom! She's the best! She's so good at...", "I love my cell phone! It's so helpful and it has all the things I like, and..", "I'm so lucky to have this job! I love my colleagues and...", "I look great today! My hair looks perfect and...", "My pet is the cutest! He's so sweet and..." for about 5 minutes, either vocally or subvocally.

I usually do this when getting up in the morning to start a day with full appreciation. This makes you feel great, so I strongly recommend it!

And you could apply raving to something you really like, to enhance the vibration even more, so you will attract more of it naturally by Law of Attraction. 

In my case driving in CA came true in 7 months after a period of strong yearning with vivid visualization, to look back. I used Google map to simulate driving wherever I wanted, and I was simply feeling the love of driving and imagined how I would feel to be there.

 At that time I had no idea it would come true and the situation seemed hopeless.  And I did not even know about either Law of Attraction or Diving Openings then.

29 to L.A.

It was a red-eye flight from Tokyo Haneda Airport to LAX. I'm so glad Haneda has become international airport once again since it's so handy for us!

It had been almost 3 years since the last time we visited L.A.  That was a whole different era!

When I was booking our seats online, I found meal options. There were so many choices so I was getting excited, and when I decided on "vegan", I realized it was the first time I claimed myself as "vegan" officially. I chuckled to myself, "Wow, that sounds so snobby! What kind of special menu am I getting?"

Well, soon to have found out the special privileged meal was a roll (with margarine, which is non-vegan!) and some fruit... only. Oops, I forgot that my seat was economy. But I survived through 10-hour flight because I smuggled in some emergency food.

And there we arrived in Los Angeles! I just love being there for no reason. Ever since I first visited there in my teens, I just knew that I fitted better there. I felt more alive in L.A., or in California in general. Too sad that I left there in 1999, to look back, I must have forgotten all the things I liked about being there and appreciation, but instead just complained about what I did not have or get.

Coming back there with a child is a whole new experience. People I see and what I do are totally different from what I used to. I'm happy that I got to experience both!

This time we stayed at 3 different friends', who all were so amazingly kind that I can't appreciate enough!

18 Small concerns?

Although it may have sounded out of the question from a matured and prudent adult's point of view, it sounded wonderful and exciting from a pure child's POV, and it seemed like the powerful medicine that would cure all my illness!

Besides all the "small" concerns, I started planning right away. Conveniently enough, Lola Jones who I was going to take sessions with and Dr. Schulze's store where I was going to buy detox program from were both reachable from L.A., my dear second home town.

Here are how I sorted out my "small" concerns about the big travel:

1. Money→I made it OK since I got a better-paying job, and I still had an active bank account in the US with enough balance to spend during the visit.

2. Health→L.A. is the most health-consious city in the world, so I shouldn't worry about my raw-food, no-salt, no-animal related food diet. 

3. My daughter→Though she had school, I decided to take her with me, and celebrate her birthday there!

It's really up to how you take things, isn't it? It's all about giving "permissions" to yourself. The key is, once you decided, don't doubt about it, or simply cancel it if you can't feel good about your decision.

I was reading about testimonials/healing stories of both Lola's and Dr.Schulze's to be inspired how they cured from various illnesses and became happier. 

07 Miraculous help

When I was having desk lunch at work, I found a long-lost friend online, and before I knew it, we started chatting. I confessed to him that I had breast cancer, and was asked so may questions about all the options and how much they would cost. Then soon he got to the point to ask if it was money that I needed the most, because he found it affordable and would be glad to help.

When it comes to asking, I was the worst. I would feel ashamed, embarrassed, afraid that I might sound imprudent, greedy, stupid, etc.

First of all, it seemed out of question to take such an offer.

Second of all,  I felt guilty to prioritize my confidence as female when I should save for further treatment, preparation for lawyer fee for divorce, for my child, etc, although taking surgery wouldn't sound too bad only if I could afford the very expensive breast reconstruction.

But an innocent part of me poked rigid me and said, "Don't be too serious and say what you want!"  

Yes, it sounded wonderful. I would much rather take surgey without losing breasts than chemical treatment to lose hair and health! 

"Just take it with appreciation!"

So I dropped my ego and decided to ask for help, and happily received this unbelievably kind offer from this nice and wealthy friend to cover the most recommended course of surgery.

How lucky to be free from worries and able to move forward! How I felt so fortunate and grateful! Simply too good to be true.

Within a week I made an appointment for my surgery, and the schedule and arrangements of my child went all perfectly and smoothly.

06 Mom

Though she could have easily fallen into the most pessimistic state in her weakened health, my mother quickly converted to a natural-cure believer by researching on books, finding doctors who offer natural treatments with facts, and started making herb tea which she found should work for breast cancer.  She could barely stand by herself  at the time, but started to exercise walking on her own. She decided to get better to help me. 

I was so moved and thankful for her, and for the first time in our twisted relationship that I felt her pure love.  This was the first time I thanked my little disease.

APPRECIATION makes us feel happy. And one appreciation leads to another.

While I was torn to make decisions for my doctor on which treatment to take first, either chemical cure or mastectomy; which procedure to take, either simultaneous reconstruction or only removal; partial removal or complete removal...nothing sounded good at all, and sad but true at this point I wasn't sure enough to cure naturally. 

2 days after, a miraculous help came in.