Saturday, December 21, 2013

59 How to surf emotional bumps

Lola said, it's not the end of our sufferings but just a beginning. Now we only know better how to surf around whenever emotional bumps come along.

Actually there was one thing I could not get over with during the retreat although in blissful state overall. And it hit me when the party was over and I came back to my hotel room.

"This is not what I was expecting...." I was saddened, but instead of treating it as if it never existed or blaming myself for still stuck in the same spot after all, I tried to be with the feelings face to face without stories. Despite all my efforts and hope for the feelings to rise, it persisted until the next morning.

What am I supposed to do at the breakfast meeting with happy retreaters?
It seemed impossible for me to show up either in my lowest spirit or faking to be high-spirited.

Out of desperation, I shifted my attention to something practical. Yes, I needed to go to my bank to deposit my paycheck for my illustration job. So I searched on my iPhone, and made sure I got enough time to make a trip.

So I'm off to the city of Ojai.... Oh, how I LOVE driving...especially alone. The whole time this trip, I car-pooled to save money. So there I was driving in the crisp morning light, feeling good already, through the foresty road, out to the open rural road. Ah it was a lovely scenery of houses with stables and big yards.

All of a sudden, I got struck by bliss, as if I surrendered automatically to the presence, and these words came from within: "Everything is perfect the way it is!" "All feelings are good. Embrace them!"

Tears gushed out and my heart was filled with gratitude. I got free from the long-lasting attachment like I just woke up from a nightmare. Oh how wonderful that was....reminded me of the blissful experience in Oregon.

Soon I arrived in downtown Ojai, still quiet in the sharp morning light hitting the white wall of Spanish arcade. I parked quickly and stepped out to appreciate the present moment....the bank run didn't seem important after all. My heart felt like a clear blue-sky without a single cloud.

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